hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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