ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
