I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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