my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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