Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
