I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
