I puked a lego.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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