It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
