fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
