Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
