I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
