ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
