I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
