What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
