Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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