you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
