Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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