Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
