the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
