five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
