Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
