Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
