u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
