dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
