Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
be right there i have to get my cape
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
