Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
