what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
