Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
