I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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