i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
