If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
