You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
