the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
