he thought i was a dude.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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