this just has baby written all over it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How naked do you want me to be?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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