dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
