Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
