I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
where are my eyebrows?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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