Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
