What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
