I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
