He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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