So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
