You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize