I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
