Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
