Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
