Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
