I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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