Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize