i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
