Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
