i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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