u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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