A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
