I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
