im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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