I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
