But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
