His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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