if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
