I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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