ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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