I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
