Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
