I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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