miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
