thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
