He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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