Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he thought i was a dude.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
