yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
God I need to hump something, right now.
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