I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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