My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
