my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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