Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
