he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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