i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
